Deep Fried Alien

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Ingredients:

• 1 Full sized adult blue alien, trussed and prepared, or else 2 adolescent aliens, similarly trussed

Step One: Get your alien, a very large cooking pot and some cooking oil. You can use vegetable oil, but it's better if you use peanut oil. However peanut oil is very expensive and you are going to need several gallons of it.
Step Two: Prepare the Alien. It needs to be defrosted and washed and make sure there are no pop up tender timer devices or anything left inside. You will also need to truss the Alien, meaning you need to secure the legs and arms to the body.
Step Three: To determine the perfect amount of oil you are going to be using, place the alien or aliens in the pot and add water until the alien is completely covered plus an inch or two. With the alien and the water there should still be several inches of room between the oil and the top of the pot.
If it's a close call, then you need either a bigger pot or a smaller alien. Remove the alien and measure the water. This is the amount of oil you will need.
Step Four: Dry and season the alien. Various recipes will call for seasoning rubs or injection mixtures.
Step Five: Make sure that your frying pot is completely dry. Water left behind can cause some serious problems once you add the oil and start heating it up.
Step Six: Add the oil to the pot and bring it to a temperature of about 400 degrees. You should really get a good thermometer so you can get the temperatures right.
Step Seven: This is where it gets tricky. The alien needs to be room temperature and dry. Turn off the burner when you put the alien in. You are going to lower the alien into the pot of very hot oil. The oil is going to splatter. You need some very good cooking gloves and a way to put the alien in the oil while you are a safe distance. This is the reason why it's really not that good of an idea to do it on your stovetop. I have heard of people using a wire basket on the alien and a wooden board to do this. A bit of inventing and I'm sure you'll find a way. Anyway, slowly lower the alien into the oil. A good method here is dunking. When you lower the alien into the oil it will boil up.
Step Eight: Once the alien is safely resting in the oil, turn the burner back on to get to a temperature of 350 degrees. At this point you can go take a breather. But don't wander too far because that alien will be done soon. A deep fried alien cooks at a rate of about 3 to 3 1/2 minutes per pound. A ten pound alien should take 30-35 minutes. An instant read thermometer can help you test for doneness, but of course you will need to lift the alien out to test it.
Step Nine: Remove the alien from the oil when it's done. Do this slowly and after you have turned off the burner. Let the alien drain a little bit and you're set to go.
Step Ten: Carve and enjoy. If you have never had an alien cooked this way then you have not finished your life requirements. Do this and you may never put an alien in the oven or on the barbecue again. Despite what you might think this alien is not oily or greasy. It's crisp, juicy and delicious. Of course I know that if you put your mind to it you can come up with a good cooker arrangement. But there are a couple of things this cooker needs: a good stock pot, a controllable heat source and a way to safely get the alien in the oil and out again.

• Serve with either a salad, or in cold weather, steamed vegetables