Thursday, November 28, 2002

Headache. Formatted my C: today because I was giving up on fixing all the problems. Still one or two glitches but it is much better now.
There is a little voice whispering in my ear, and thank god for it, telling me it was the best thing I could have done all day.
I have so much to do tomorrow. I just want to sleep.

Friday, November 15, 2002

I'm still laughing. Shifty left me five notes. The first one made me smile, the fifth just had me rolling around on the floor in laughter.

Wow! It's uber-pretty!
The Bob likey.

What the jiminy cricket is a shrink in a box???

Dude, you have a Rodney Rude record?? That's not something one admits voluntarily.

That's not moodiness. Music = happiness, you're just living unassisted by noise now. Since music was invented, there's been a lot more spit in the burgers of mood swing central.

My speakers need twiddling.
They're twiddle-speakers.
Sometimes I kinda feel like I'm tickling it into operation. Just wiggling the plug in the socket for a while, until it orgasms into noisefulness. Oh dear, my speakers are horny.

**Shifty make Siren laugh. Siren like Shifty**

Just downloaded a song by a band someone recommended. I played it and thought "this is oddly familiar" so I found out Rasputina had done a cover of the Pink Floyd song, "Wish You Were Here", so I went digging around in the disorganized record collection (They were once in alphabetical order on one bored summer day) and found one Pink Floyd record with six songs on it and lo and behold, "Wish You Were Here" was on it. So I'm listening to Pink Floyd right now, and its just about to change over to "Another Brick In The Wall (Part II)". Makes me wonder how many times I've heard this record when I was little if I recognised a song and never actually recall listening to Pink Floyd (except for "Another Brick In The Wall" because I've heard that a number of times). You know, in about 5 minutes I'm going to have a massive pile of records sitting on the couch that I want to listen to. I grew up listening to The Firm's "Girls Got Feelings Too" which I could probably blame for any early feminist behaviour I exhibited and I'm sure that "Strawberry Ice Cream, Jelly and Cake" probably accounts for a lot of my stubborness. Okay, time for The Firm. Oh my god, I love this song! I haven't heard it in years! **proceeds to sing along to the words she can remember and completely stops typing for the duration of the song**. Awww, there's white cat hair on the records. Heehee. That's Crystal's. **whimpers**. I miss her. I think I need to fix my speakers. The left one keeps fading in and out every now and then. Oh my god. I have to play Somebody's Moggy. Kim Carnes, Carly Simon, Eagles, Rolling Stones, Def Leppard, Deep Purple, Creedence Clearwater Revival, hehe - Rodney Rude, Led Zeppelin, Weird Al (that'd be mine), Supertramp (still disappointed that someone slaughtered the logical song), Iron Butterfly, Status Quo, Cold Chisel (another record I grew up on), The Police, Santana.... Bill Haley and The Comets... Oh my god, Bill Haley and the Comets!! I'm nowhere near finished. That is like, one tenth of the records if that.
**Jumps up and down in so much joy that she may just explode** Okay, I have to stop typing now just because I'm probably going to embarrass myself even more than I already have if I don't stop now. Wheeeeee!!

"Who wrote about anaesthetic kisses?"
"You did."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
"I'm pretty sure it wasn't me."
"Then who do you think it was?"
"... it could have been..."
"You can't think of anyone, can you?"
"Well, if it was me, where is it?"
"In the pills, darling."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"In White Ant."
"Oh. Yeah. You're right."
"You should know, dear, to always listen to your inner voices... and don't stick your tongue out at me... don't give me that look either!"
"You're a voice. How can I look at you?"
"Well, you're a human but do I judge?"
"Very funny."
"I thought so too."
"I must be bored."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I'm talking to myself and writing it down."
"I think you're just insane."
"Oh, gee. You're a nice inner voice, aren't you?"
"Just like my owner."
"Stop laughing. It's not funny."
"Well, why are you laughing then?"
"Damn you! I'm trying to be angry here!"
"Give up."
"Okay."
"The previous entry is really long and its annoying me."
"It annoys me too but are we actually going to do anything about it?"
"Nope"
"I think half the notes are from Shifty."
"Probably. He's just so adorable with his squishy lovey Karmie thing going on."
"Just like a bunny coked up on LSD."

Thursday, November 14, 2002

Things people online have said to me which have made me smile, laugh, or want to hug them so hard that their heads pop off. Some of them may not make any sense without the full story but I’ll be here forever if I explain everything. So, since it was 6 pages long once I had completed editing all the crap out of it, I’m going to have to remove the not as good good stuff.
Oh, look,. I’m sick of editing this thing so I’m just going to post it and edit it later if I feel like it.

Thats exactly how i feel...and u captured it in words....u have a talent :D
Wow.. that was really good. I like it! moonglow. (NSI)
I like this…It's intriguing and abstract…beautifully done….take care… I am just a [whisper of a thrill]
this is truly wonderful. [Stumbleina]
wow. that was awesome! [msantisocial]
oOoOoO thats sooo great ! [Lestat]
that was amazing [fake.happiness]
WOW i know exactly how you feel...you are an incredible writer. You moved me to tears becuase thats exactly how i felt this morning. Thanks. -Caty. Just Caty. (NSI)
i think you're pretty. you're real, you're honest you're not alone. -i applaud you-
-Girlfurious
your writing is beautiful, because it's painful. sometimes i know what you mean too well. and no one has a band-aid.
-GirlFurious
beautiful. i understand. sigh.
reality is perception.
and therefore is often inaccurate.
-GirlFurious
ooh, your entries are awesome! they're so deep and intuitive. this entry tells some kind of unique story...with sentimental value. in your other entries there are some really cool graphics. it's always nice to see HTML in entries. You're a really articulate writer...keep up the good work!
love your writing... ~ [silky hunter]
Just reading fellow poets work and came across your OD. This entry packs quite a mental punch. Very well written full of passion. [TheHighwayman]
Whoa. I really like this. [~sin_nomine~]
That's just beautiful. Hmm.. chocolate or my one true love? It's a close call, I swear! [Karma Girl]
hey wow, did you write that? that's really great... [dizy]
I really like this.
really really really. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
mmm.
this is pure and beautiful.
thank you for your notes.
maybe next time i will stay longer.
xo- [once.]
Your diary is really cool. =) [//.nasha]
well-said! i agree with you...you arent going to be heard unless you start screaming....the little mouse that roared...
Take Care [Pessimistic Optimism]
Well done.
Very well done. [LoveSuicide]
Just a note to say I'm listening. I can never work out what to say to good poetry. It never seems like a reply is adequate. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Ooh, pretty.
I got an image of slow billowing hair, slowed-down movements underwater vs. streaming hair, arms-outstretched flying.
Both kind of cool. [Karma Girl]
mm. oh ohoh. this is beauty, love.
and cruel.
[once.]
Intriguing. [LoveSuicide]
I thought you said you were too tired to write an entry!
Well... I'm glad you weren't. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
She bleeds. [LoveSuicide]
Dreams keep hope alive.
Hope preserves the soul. [LoveSuicide]
i found something intriguing in the harsh actions portrayed in this entry, i must be crazy....but i love how you wrote this.
Take Care [Pessimistic Optimism]
Darling, your writing is beautiful. I love your diary, honest to goodness I do.
Much love, Andy
Oh dear, I'm worried about you. Please, learn from my mistake... Maybe life isn't worth it, but there are still moments that are worth life. I don't know what I'm saying, just that I'm worried about you, and that I empathize, and that I don't want to empathize, that I want to argue, but don't want to argue either. Just, read the bunny song lyrics on my diary... and forget to frown.
please? [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Please take care of you, and know how precious you really are...
Love & safest hugs, [Mrs Reg]
RYN: I am not!!
I'm nervous like a bunny coked up on LSD. That's not sweet!
Oh wait... but bunny's have them cute little fluffy tails, they're all squinty, and they lick their paws, and their ears flop about... they are kinda sweet. TEE HEE HEE!!
Uhh... NO!! I'm not sweet!! GRRRRR [Shifty_Bob v.2] RYN: BAH!! Talk to the paw! coz the twitchy nose ain't listenin' [Shifty_Bob v.2]
ahh, thats beautiful, seductive, i love it!!! You always have some of the most unique pictures on your diary entries :)
Take Care [Pessimistic Optimism]
thats really fu©king kewl.. cept for the bleeding part. [ihopeyoudie]
Uhh, except for the bleeding part? What a stupid thing to say... It's good, with no fucking exceptions (lookit! I can say 'fucking' How cool am I?) [Shifty_Bob v.2]
who-a. simple, yet effective, and almost painful to read. [~sin_nomine~]
Thanks for quoting me! It makes me feel all intelligent-like when people do that. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Awesome diary, I really like your writing. I'll think good thoughts for you! Much Love,
**Me [Unique-in-pinK]
That's a purty picture...
But if you didn't want attention then you wouldn't be here. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Grey is beautiful. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
You have a wonderful writing style. [Hirani]
i think what i found here is amazing, i especially love the ending [silent_storm]
i love that question...
i enjoyed this entry, short but at the same time it still ignited my brain to think....
Take Care [Pessimistic Optimism]
i loved the way you wrote this, it reminded me,
"you can doubt anything if you think about it long enough."
Take Care [Pessimistic Optimism]
if only i could write like you... then maybe i would actually be able to express myself. [blushing_junkie]
You are an awesome writer. I love your diary. :) [shovel of mud]
History only repeats itself if you ignore history, and you're certainly not doing that. It can just as easily be - once bitten, twice bite-proof... Or something.
I don't know, that wasn't very eloquent of me, I think I just ran out of brain. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
"God help you if you are an ugly girl, but too pretty is also your doom, because everyone harbours a secret hatred, for the prettiest girl in the room."
Ani said that one (that's just going from memory, but it's close enough) I say - Pay no attention to those that only attend to themselves. They'll all fall outside in, in the end. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Doop-de-doop-de-doo
La-la-la-la-laaaaaa
Hum-de-dum
Doop-de-dee
Diddley-squat
Hum-dinger-diddley-doo-daa-day
ZGU!
SCURVY!!
STREUUUUUDEL!
That's a SPICY meatball!!
SQUEEEEEE
and... end!43 [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Methinks it time to take up kung fu. Much enjoy it you will, but talk you like Yoda it will make not. Still it good. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
RYN: Yeah, sorry about that. Shifty and I will sometimes go into a "Let's insult each other" frenzy on other people's diaries. Just ignore us, and if we still don't go away, smack our heads together. [Karma Girl]
That sounds... frustrating. Someone told me once that writing letters to anyone important to you is always a bad idea, because it will always come out EXACTLY how you feel, and they'll either not understand you at all, or they'll understand you too well. Neither being better than the other.
Maybe I just told myself that...
*shrug* [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Losing family is like losing a limb, some of them are pinky fingers, but you'll miss them when they're gone.
*hug* [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Hugs to you... [one(-Knight-)stand]
I'm not sure, but I think I've been there once... and I fucked it up. Thank you for your fiction, you made me wonder whether I can relate. Yes, I think I can.
*ponders* [Shifty_Bob v.2]
How about I hug you while covered in ice cream? does that sound good enough? [Shifty_Bob v.2]
RYN: Yeah, sure. Blame the keyboard for your Freudian slips. I've heard that one before.
*snicker* [Shifty_Bob v.2]
I was never very good at "duck, duck, goose". I kept letting myself get caught.
symbolism much? [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Hey! There's nothing wrong with whingey-whiney crap.
RESPECT the whingey-whiney crap.
Whingey-whiney crap makes the world go round... a bit. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
Pop up killers are scientifically proven to make life at least 7% less crappy. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
*is awe-struck* i'm at a loss for words. and you said my writing was talented! i love the picture on your front page and this one as well *adds you to my favs* i look foreward to reading more of your writing...
Take Care [Pessimistic Optimism]
stunning.
unbelievable.
amazing.
i love it.
[girl.unknown]
Ooh. Ooh. Naughty chasing. I like it. [Karma Girl]
Yeah, men are all alley cats in the end. Yep, all of them. I'm in a generalising mood tonight.
Love the picture though and the words, while sad, are still beautiful. [Karma Girl]
You rock.
Just a random compliment. Not entirely because of the goodness of your story, but that's certainly a contributing factor. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
What the hell do you want a pet that scratches your eyes out for? ... Not fun. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
*nudge nudge*
Of course I knew that silly!
*wink wink*
Know what I mean?
Nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
oh the similarities in life many go through.you explained feelings i know all to well. hmmm-i really like that poem a lot. keep it up. i am on to read more. [SlainAngelx]
RYN: What the sam-hill does that have to do with erotica?... Erotica is obviously a very broad term, and you don't have to explain yourself to me, you could've starred in hardcore porn for all I care. Actually... that'd be really cool. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
I like your diary, it has always intrigued me. [one(-Knight-)stand]
RYN: What did I say to make you smile? I don't recall typing anything particularly happiness-inducing. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
I share your self-hatred, but I do not share your Maenad-hatred. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
RYN: so whaddya do? do you just sit there and slap people that start snogging? or do you arm yourself with jaffas beforehand and pelt them to death at the slightest hint of affection? [Shifty_Bob v.2]
RYN: You gotta use the jaffas maaan! Don't mess with an Australian tradition. That's what jaffas are made for, hell, it's not like anyone actually EATS them. They've got so much more weight behind them than MnMs do. With a bit of practice you can get them to reach terminal velocity by the time they hit the front row... In the hands of a true master you can take a kids head clean off the shoulders [Shifty_Bob v.2]
*hugs you so hard that your head pops off* [Shifty_Bob v.2]
alone and shallow is better than being surrounded and drowning. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
I've seen worse... At least I can translate some of that. Apparently she stabbed her brother in the back with some scissors 22 times. So I'd suggest she work on her homicidal tendencies before she focuses on the grammatical aspects of her life. I'm sure you'll understand, one must prioritize these things. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
And who can say "no" to a chick in a cat-suit?... except for maybe a man with no brain... or no vocal chords, or possibly some sort of hybrid dog-man, that was afraid of cats, and naturally, the bio-genticists that created said dog-man. [Shifty_Bob v.2]
RYN: If I ever have kids, that'll probably be what I tell them too. : ) Don't run with scissors, punch violence in the face, stay in school, and only users lose drugs. [Shifty_Bob v.2]

Okay. I was going to write a self-gratifying entry to make myself feel good and then realised I would have to wade through 37 pages of a word document to do so. But since it will make me feel good, I think I'll do it. I'm not gonna go to bed until I finish it either.
Edit: Now its 6 pages and I'm almost done editing it. Think I'm going to have to edit a hell of a lot more.
2nd Edit: Now its 4 pages and I'm sick of editing. I want to go to bed.

The poem I wrote earlier (3 entries down) was about 4 women I know who periodically post poetry and short stories on the internet. I absolutely love what they write. I'm sure there are more than 4 on my list but these 4 are my favourite. They're all women. They're all gay. I think that's just coincidence.
Anonymity is such a beautiful thing.
And sometimes even the internet can make you feel a little more sane. A little less alone than you were before.
The one that I love the most is the one I wrote the beginning about. That she can use the word fuck. Its almost ironic that someone said to me "Ani DiFranco is good at saying the word fuck" because the title of her page is the name of an Ani DiFranco CD and her writing is every now and then littered with her lines. Yet, I guess it really isn't that strange considering that I gravitate towards any Ani fan. They're all good people. Funny that it was a guy who said it. Heh. I know one guy who likes Ani and an infinite number of women.

Okay, here it is. John's (aka Pool God) poem. I have no witty comments because he blew me away.

The Night Train

By John Keenan

I look to the sky, no friends to be found there.
Only the pale glint of the frozen stars,
Lending me their harsh, unsympathetic stare.
I gaze at the trees, swaying slightly in the breeze;
But their whispering offers no solstice,
No comfort can be found in the rustling of their leaves.
The park is deserted, empty of all creatures great and small,
Only the frozen earth left to keep me company,
And it has no ears to hear my desperate call.
I turn to the chilled bottle still clutched in my hand,
Demanding answers for questions which burn,
But it too is empty, its course long since ran.

So I’m left with just myself, my own best friend,
But now, lost for words he’s turned worse enemy,
From his silent despair I cannot run, cannot defend.
Thus I lie, take my place amongst the dirt,
Hoping that it might swallow me whole,
And cease this unending hurt.
Yet I wonder, if it did, would anyone really care?
About this heartless being that went for a walk one night,
Then never returned, his body gone, like his soul, into thin air.
Of course some people would if only for the company,
I lend at parties, always laughing always joking,
Never a frown, always happy, always carefree.
Nothing can make me dispair, cause me to sit and cry,
Prick me, I shall not bleed, I cannot be hurt nor scarred,
For I have no feelings, I can never be human no matter how I try.

Then I realise that this train of thought is not my own,
This despair, this malaise does not belong to me,
It belongs instead to the night, I have it simply on loan.
And, with the rising sun, it must be returned,
So that another lonely drunken soul,
May borrow it to soon realise and learn.

That the night’s moment of drunken sorrow,
That appears not to have end,
Will all be forgotten by daylight, tomorrow.



John says:

A warm up poem by John. The other poem promised will be coming shortly.

Alive but Dead

The cool gentle water
That so readily gives life
Won’t be used
By the plastic plant’s roots
Yet forever will it bloom
Though never will it live.

John says:

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

Wrote this about some people I know.

Women With Words

She wonders why we care
Blood and poetry everywhere
She forgets that vulnerability is so attractive
And passion is rare
Thoughtfulness is but a dream we search for
And to be able to use the word fuck
And not make it sound vulgar
Is a talent not many possess
We’re not easily insulted
Us women with words
Because we’ve heard it all
Been to hell and back many times now
We just know how to cover
For ourselves and each other
We bruise just the same
But the bruises are too deep to see
We have all learned that society causes disease in many
And not all parents accept us for who we are
We all grow old too soon
Us women with words

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Our dear John (Pool God), whose link is at the top of the links section on the right, has been challenged to write a poem. If he actually comes through and does it you may not want to read it. He threatened to make it disturbing. But Robyn always says that he's just all talk. He made me promise to post it and not to edit it if he writes it. Lets see if he does.
I so dare you to write a poem John.

I feel like I really need to cry. I think its just relief crying. Mum went to the doctors last week and she had to go to hospital today for tests, which all came back negative, thank god. So I think I've been sitting here for a week absolutely stressing that my mother may have something seriously wrong with her. She's fine though. I think I was worrying about myself too, just a little, ya know, genetics and all that shit. I'm just all wound up now, that's all. Damn Orthodontist appointment tomorrow morning. I forsee much pain in my future.

Monday, November 11, 2002

Mmmm, its a hot night. Perfect weather to go swimming in. That's the upside of sweltering summer days - warm nights. Although, they're a bitch to try and sleep in. Anyway, summer nights are not for sleeping. They're for being awake and having fun. I don't sleep so much in the summer as I do in the winter, well, not generally.
I'd make myself a milkshake right now but I have no milk and no ice cream. I think its time to raid the parent's fridge. I had to hold myself back from stealing the vintage cheese earlier *drool*.

The first time I ever came across Mordantia Bat was at Gray Bat where her story, Chianti On The Cadaver, was featured and still is today. I loved this story right away. Don't ask me how I found Gray Bat. Wherever I came from, it's probably a link that has been a long time dead and gone. Her writing has always brought a smile to my face and the odd laugh or two and is constantly thought-provoking.

DNA Stain

I am, not unlike
the others. Frightened
into being a girl.
My world feels like
a gesture of condolence,
so tentatively offered,
so hastily forgotten.

Walking strains the feet.

        © Mordantia Bat, c.1985

updating

Well, I just set up the archives page. Still having trouble with the actual archives. The delete function doesn't work. Its not a total disaster though. At least the archives work and I managed to upload the layout and get that right aswell. Soon, all will be well.
And no matter how many time I click on the time zones that are like '+9.30' or on the half hour, it consistently goes to the full hour time zone featured before it. So my blogging times are logged as half an hour earlier than they really are.

Lunch and Lipstick

We meet for lunch on our break and we sit outside in the cool summer breeze. The weather is perfect today. She looks happy. Her boyfriend and her have been having trouble. I don’t like the way he treats her but I keep my mouth closed about it today. I’ve told her before and it’s her life anyway. I’m not going to tell her what to do with it. We talk about school and work and the weather and more important things while we wait for our meal. When it arrives, we eat. We have indulged ourselves in a glass of white wine for lunch. She always eats quicker than I do. When she finishes, she slumps back in her chair, exclaiming how delicious the food is. After a moment, she starts to look around her, seemingly impatient but I know her well enough to know she doesn’t want me to hurry. She isn’t in a rush today and she is quite a patient person. She excuses herself from the table as I’m finishing the last bites of my meal and I nod and watch her go, wiping my mouth with the paper napkin provided. I want to follow her but I know I shouldn’t. I know that will only make things worse for her. I fiddle with the wine glass, drinking the remainder quickly as I turn it around in the palm of my hand. I try to look calm when she returns. I smile. She smiles, fresh lipstick and pressed powder. She seems a little jumpy. She seems a little paler than before, something that the makeup is trying to hide. I wish she’d get rid of that boyfriend of hers. He calls her a fat bitch even though she’s 5”8’, 59 kilograms and the sweetest person. I know he says it just because he knows it hurts her. Its not my life and I have no right to tell her what to do with it. Not yet, but maybe soon.

Sunday, November 10, 2002

I must have found one of the best online quizzes ever. I mean, who can resist a Kevin Smith quiz??

Which Recurring Kevin Smith Character Are You? Take the test here


I so want pancakes right now. So what if it's midnight? I'm going to go cook pancakes now.

Hehehe. Jono got pissy because I posted the poem (yes, you did Jono. No arguments. You were pissy!). And if Paul is angry because I posted a poem about him then he can tell me to take it down. So if it disappears, its because Paul told me to take it down and not because Jono said he would be angry with me if he was him. Blah. Enough said.
John is warped. His sense of humour is so totally warped that it's disturbing me right now. But when doesn't John disturb people?

What do you see?

She puts her arms around me, sitting there on the park bench, and puts her head on my shoulder. I can feel her breath on my cheek.
“What do you see?”
I squint into the dark, my lips part to utter words, but none come, and she sees my confusion.
“Do you see beauty?”
I shake my head softly,
“No…” I whisper, “but I used to.”
Her chin lifts gently from my shoulder and she straightens her back. Still with arms around me, she asks softly,
“Do you think you will ever see it again?”
My eyes turn to look at her, light filtered through tree branches settles on her features.
“I hope so. I don’t think I can live much longer without it.”
“And what made you remember the beauty? Was it the park tonight?”
“It was a movie.”
She laughs and it reminds me of rain upon leaves – soft yet so very clear.
“A movie?”
“Well, one line from the movie. In fact, it was a long time after I heard the line that I actually saw the movie, but it was that line. I remember that one line piercing its way inside my chest, spreading through my veins, infecting me like a virus, and I saw beauty.”
“Do you remember the line?”
“Yes.”
“Then think about it, say it to yourself… Now what do you see?”
“…Beauty.”

Okay. I'm just fooling around with this blog thing at the moment. Its quite fun actually. I just have to mess around with the html now. heehee

Just to Stop

I have never wanted
chocolate
the way I want you

I have never wanted
money
the way I want you

I have never wanted
diamonds
the way I want you

I have never wanted
anyone
the way I want you

I have never wanted
love
the way I want yours


I have never felt as beautiful as when you look at me
wrapped naked in blankets
skin against skin
lips against lips
hands upon everything
lost in each other
perfect moments
I feel as if I've stolen them from someone
because surely one person does not deserve so much
just that perfect silence in one another’s arms
that so few people seem to understand


good morning kisses
I was reading a book of short stories on your couch
and then outside in the sunshine
with coffee and a cigarette
and total contentment was my company
because I knew you weren’t far away
and I can’t seem to sleep in your bed alone
and waking up in mine alone is always disappointing (to say the least)
and this is fragmented because it’s the way I think
shards and fragments which never seem to stop
unless you’re right next to me
its so easy just to stop
and not think
and breathe a sigh of relief
because I’m happy
because you’re there