Stolen from Exeter Chess Club:
Excuses for losing

Dan Scoones wrote:

Here is my off-the-cuff top ten list:

Dog ate scoresheet;

Dead batteries in hidden transmitter;

Went outside for fresh air, forgot about tournament;

Disturbed by own reflection in opponent's sunglasses;

Still despondent over 1964 death of Fred Reinfeld;

Inexplicably confused ECO A29 line 13 note 87c with ECO A13 line note 87c; lost queen;

Unlucky pairing with historical nemesis G. Kasparov;

During play, pondered both sides of ICC controversy; lost on time;

Studied book *How to Beat Bobby Fischer*; was unprepared for other opponents;

After making move, accidentally punched opponent instead of clock.

"What went wrong with your plan?"
"He didn't follow it!"

-- Post mortem by participants after a Korchnoi simul.

"The player who plays best in a tournament never wins first. He finishes second behind the guy with the most luck. "

-- Savielly TARTAKOWER

"I have never had the satisfaction of beating a completely healthy opponent."

-- Amos BURN

"Analysis: irrefutable proof that you could have won a game that you lost."

-- Boden

"I can see the combinations as well as Alekhine, but I cannot get into the same positions"

-- Rudolf SPIELMANN

From: rook@islandnet.com (Dan Scoones)

A few spares:

1. Adopted Alekhine's training methods; developed uncontrollable DT's;
2. "I'm not gonna pay a lot for these chess lessons!";
3. Two words: opponent's breath.

Dan

• I forgot to bring my favorite pencil which always brings me luck.
• My opponent did not stick to the book.
• The low Elo-rating of my opponent deceived me.

Martin Unger (h8150875@idefix.wu-wien.ac.at)

"I became confused of all the bad moves my opponent made, and that`s the reason I lost the game. "

-- Nils J Schjelderup

• He was scowling at me (if he is twice your size)
• He had a bulge under his armpit ( if he is wearing sunglasses and a suit - might be carrying a gun )
• She looked like she was going to cry ( a pretty girl )
• I was trying so hard not to laugh ( at his stupid blunders ) that I did not notice his trap.
• It's not fair! It was a trap!
• It was a cheapo.

Calvin Loh [lohwengk@iscs.nus.sg (Loh Weng Keong Calvin)]

If "even a bad plan is better than no plan," does that mean that even a poor excuse is better than none? ;)

"j'adoube"
[Made by an opponent of mine when he picked up a piece, then realised he had to move another one]

[all of these i have heard used (or used myself)]

I was put off by my opponents T-shirt
[The complainant later won his state's title at the age of 16]

I got confused over which piece was guarded
[made by the same person, when a total of 6 pieces were left on the board]

I had a won position until I blundered.

I had a won position! It's in my notebook!
[used by guess who?]

He shouldn't have played on in a lost position

The tournament director got the draw wrong, I should have played xxx.

The tournament director got the draw wrong, I should have had white.

I wasn't taking the game seriously because it was only a club match.

I wasn't taking the game seriously because I couldn't win a prize.

I thought it was a different time control.

I don't like short time controls.

I didn't want to adjourn.

I'm playing a "swiss gambit"

I was playing for a draw

[and finally a selection which should meet any need...]

too noisy

too quiet

too hot

too cold

too busy to study opening books

too poor to afford ECO

too dark

too bright

all these from Peter Ballard
pballard@radlogic.com.AU Fri Nov 24 05:26:06 1995

"I wanted to adjourn but he made me play a move."