Over the ages there have been many beautiful books written that inspire us to ponder on things beyond this material world. They have talked of God's love and the truth of our being at one with all living things. Why on earth do we need another set of books? The answer is: we don't: if those other books, religions and different pathways are still working for us. A Course in Miracles ® is very different, and that becomes apparent on the first page in the introduction where it states that the meaning of love cannot be understood but we can experience love through the removal of our blocks to the awareness of love's presence. This is truly a course that we do, not just read, but experience, in a very practical framework. The Course has never claimed to be the only path back home but it does say its aim is to save time. (Top of page 363 in the text) As the Course itself puts it on the same page:

"A Holy relationship is a means of saving time"

"Your way will be different, not in purpose but in means. A Holy relationship is a means of saving time. One instant spent together restores the universe to both of you. You are prepared"

According to the Course, we believe that God. is very angry at our leaving and will 'get us' eventually, so we set our special love and hate relationships, and all our other idols to surround us with a hard shell of protection that will shield us from His wrath. These idols then so fully occupy our minds we have no time left to think of Him or our imagined guilt.
Then along comes the Course into our lives taking the 'ego's most boasted gift', (special relationships) and teaches us, step by step, in a highly organized mind training program to convert them into Holy relationships as a means of bringing us home. A brilliant concept to be sure. Knowing that the ego is learning the Course with us, trying to reinterpret it to its liking. and how it will react, Jesus explains what we may expect in great detail. Not a word is misplaced. Even the language used which some people complain about, as being difficult to understand is not by chance. When I came across something I couldn't understand, I would ponder over it for a while, eventually realizing that on my own I could never work it out and finally turning to the Holy Spirit for help. That help would always come, even though it might be days later when a light would go on in my head sometimes without me even thinking about it and I would receive a perfectly understandable answer for me at that time. I would then 'own' that thought, because it had come into my mind. No book I had ever read before had that impact on me no matter how beautiful or inspiring the words were. All we need, is that little willingness, and it is impossible to backslide for long. as we know we are immediately forgiven and encouraged to keep going. No one is hopeless and no one is written off; we are all going to make it.
The ego knows exactly where this Course is taking us and the end result, if we continue. The ego has never considered our welfare important and knows only too well that we will not buy its thought system for long if the pain gets too bad. It offers two ways to relieve the pain: firstly denial which has been used so effectively in the past, and the other is to project our guilt on to someone else. How does the ego work within the framework of the Course? Exactly the same way. In my case it was when I came across the first reference to special relationships, which occurs about a third of the way through the text. My initial thought was "Although this may be true don't want to think about it and it will go away" But the only way I could do that, was to stop reading the books, as the idea presented itself over and over again after that, in many different ways that could not be denied.
At the same time there is something so tantalizing and compelling about this Course that convinces me that it is totally 100% true. The Course enables me to at least peep through that shell I have created and get in touch with my.overwhelming love for our Father and His for us which I had kept hidden. It is this powerful attraction that keeps me going.
Never the less, our resistance can make it painful looking at our blocks and when denial does not work any more, the only option left open is to blame someone else for our dilemma. Who is a better target than the principle teacher in our life, the one, if we only knew it, who holds the key to our release. The study of the Course gives us great insights to the working of the mind and consequently ammunition to judge the motives of others and turn the whole Course around as a means of attacking them. The further we work with the thought system the more and more we realize that projection will not work as there is literally nothing outside ourselves and that we are responsible for every feeling we experience.
My investment in things of this world became increasingly apparent and my ego told me I had lost something. There is a temptation at this stage to give the whole thing up as 'just too hard' The Course graphically describes how the ego can become vicious when under what it perceives as a threat. We become aware of our split mind and become very confused and disoriented as we try to listen to two voices. We are told on page 322 of this confusing time.
"The period of disorientation, which precedes thee actual transition, is far shorter than the time it took to fix your mind so firmly on illusions. Delay will hurt you now more than before, only because you realize it is delay, and that escape from pain is really possible."
Pam once expressed the feeling this way "Isn't it funny how we think we have given up something and yet if we could have it back, we wouldn't want it." There is a temptation to abandon everything despite having accomplished so much. The confusion of our split mind is most apparent now as our egos put in 'a last ditch stand'. But we have experienced real peace at times and those periods are extending more and more. We know the ego has no hope in the end.
Even with our new thought system many of us still cling on to the idea that maybe, just maybe, there is some new goal, person or place that will make us complete and this time the ego (disguised as Holy Spirit) can tell us our new goal is 'holy' Even though the Course's message is totally abstract we want to convert that into some form or action we can take in this world that by itself will "Make a difference". It seems impossible not to think that way while we are in bodies believing this world is real.

I have at times asked myself "What on earth possessed me to come here in the first place when there is nothing here that I truly want?" "Why did I want to give up everything which I had in God's world to make a little part of this crazy dream which I could try to control. My only conclusion was that "I must have been, and still am insane" There is not much point probing into why I wanted to leave my true home with God in the first place and for that matter why I am still choosing separation. Helped by the Course, I am now not totally insane and more willing to look at the blocks I have set up. I do know God has not changed his mind about me and I do know that beneath these 'horrible' blocks baring the way to love, I was afraid to look at, is my desire to be with my true Father.
The form I choose to fill my time with on this earth in itself means nothing unless under the direction of Holy Spirit. Only our loving thoughts are real, and Jesus promises us in the Course that they are never lost and are saved for us. This means that when we are not thinking this way we are just wasting time.
I only need to wake up from this 'dream/nightmare' and I can do that, when I want the Peace of God more than anything else! And in my waking up, all my brothers benefit.
Is it all worthwhile, this Course? Are there any benefits in this world? The answer to both questions has to be yes. Our egos would have us think we are making no progress and we have given up something and we have! We are becoming more loving and accepting to those to whom we come into contact. We are questioning our formerly inflexible beliefs that the idols in our life could ever make us happy. Gone are the days of fluctuating extreme highs and lows. Life is more even now. We are giving up our fixed beliefs in sin, evil and guilt. We are learning that our judging only brings us pain and we can accept people as they are, without wanting to change them in any way. As a result, we are developing a quiet calmness that takes everything in our stride, knowing who we truly are and who our brothers are. We don't wallow in our guilt for long now as we are more quickly able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and get 'on with it'. The periods of peace are extending more and more as the "the little gap" of separation diminishes. These are the practical advantages Course students experience the more they work with the material.

So, it is becoming all worthwhile as we realize that we are making real progress. In the meantime I know that I need to constantly remind myself not to take my dramas seriously and be aware that like playing the piano, forgiveness needs practice. practice and more practice

Bill McDonald 4/93