When I first encountered A Course In Miracles®, I had a deep sense that, at last I could find the answer to the question of what am I doing here in this crazy insane world seemingly so full of `great' possibilities all of which inevitably disappoint and end in disillusionment, particularly when we achieve what you thought we wanted. The extent of the truth I was learning and the reasoning which flows cohesively through the whole works kept on making more and more sense to me convincing me that I am not a victim of the world I see.

The initial joy and immediate results of practicing forgiveness in my life was so evident that I wondered why I had never thought about these ideas before. That first year working with the workbook was a time of wonderful discovery during which I was able to turn around at will all experiences that had in the past brought me pain. I felt I had found a friend and brother in Jesus and could get immediate help from him and the Holy Spirit in every situation. I am constantly reminded of that wonderful feeling I experienced everytime I hear the same initial euphoric expressions from new students I come across.

There is every justification for feeling joy at finding our pathway home, which we know is for us. I know the goal of inner peace is the only goal in this world that will ever bring me joy. However,I dont think I realised in those early days just how entrenched my old belief system was, nor how reluctant I was to give up all the investment in my ego, developed over eons of time. Even knowing that all other goals in this world inevitably lead to disapointment and despair, that remnant of separation still keeps hanging around making me realise that my ego prefers conflict to peace.

Lesson No.128 "The world I see holds nothing that I want " is followed immediately by the lesson "Beyond this world there is a world I want " It's only on the next page ! Why do I sometimes feel there is an enormous gulf of time and space between these two realisations ? Why do I think that I must remain in some sort of `Limbo land', having on one hand, been convinced that I do not `value what is valueless' and yet still at some level still hanging on to some investment in this world, hoping as I did in `pre-Miracle' days that somehow I can still arrange my life in such a way that I can beat the ego system and set-up some way of giving myself future protection for my body?.