When you want only Love

This is one of the most confrontational statements in A Course in Miracles® and one I have noticed causes more discomfort to students than any other has. After all, if we have asked for everything that seems to happen to us, none of us have any cause for complaint about any event in our lives.
Every single problem we have, every sickness and distressing feeling we have, or will ever experience, is the result of our conscious decision to feel that way. According to the Course, even death itself first requires our consent before it can occur in the illusion despite the Course's assurance that the Son of God will never experience death. It seems we must be insane if we first invent a situation and then cry continually we are the victims of that very situation and indeed the ego part of our mind is totally insane.
Why on earth would we choose to become distressed? No one would admit we willingly want to be worried, pained and depressed. The Course says that "the world was made as an attack on God" text p. 404/413 so we didn't come here to be happy: we came here to be miserable and then blame an 'unloving' God for our plight enabling us to maintain the separation and keep the ego in business. . According to the Course everybody feels a prisoner here despite the fact that we chose to be here and are continuing to be here away from God.

"There is no one who does not feel that he is imprisoned in some way. If this is the result of his own free will he must regard his will as not free, or the circular reasoning in this position would be quite apparent." text p. 44 /49

In our insanity & amnesia we think, "If only I could run away from this hopeless situation I am in, maybe I could escape from all my worries." Not realizing the source of all our problems is in our head wherever we go.
The first obstacle to peace is "the desire to get rid of it" Text p.380 /407. Now as soon as I can after I experience some distress I try to remember to say to myself. "Here I go again choosing not to be at peace," and ask for help in seeing the situation differently. Maybe it doesn't happen straight away but once I accept responsibility for feeling distressed it isn't long before a state of peace returns and I am on an even keel. The laws that govern perception are indisputable. It is totally impossible to see anything outside us that aren't first within. If we are not totally joyous we need to ask ourselves this question "Am I choosing love or fear?"
But what is love? The world bandies around the word 'love' with great ease, always referring to special love which bears no comparison to God's love. Despite the way we dress it up, special love is always selfish, self-serving and excludes others. Like thieves in the night we continually steal from others whatever we think we lack and set them up as idols so that we may receive the special treatment God could not give to us. God could only love his children equally and maximally. The love referred to in the Course is a reflection of the love that comes from God to His Son who has never stopped being as God created him. We only have to really want it and love can emanate from us to everybody and every circumstance we see or even think about.
We had been avid students of the Course for over four years when our 19-year-old daughter announced she wanted to get married. We were concerned about her being so young but she was going with a stable young man a few years older than her and she had her heart set on getting married wanting to be a traditional bride in a regular church. We were changing our minds about everything and at that time were even questioning the point of having a special relationship endorsed by the church.
The way we felt then we probably would have preferred an informal style wedding with some well-chosen words spoken from the Course but as we were the only ones who were studying the material we conceded that a conventional wedding was the only option. However we were providing the reception and we thought we could at least make it more informal and loving, more like a friendly party than the usual stuffy occasion. To avoid the inevitable polarization that occurs at weddings between the bride's and groom's guests we planned to split them up so that we had guests from both sides seated at each table. We then proposed to have everybody join hands while the band played A Diana Ross standard "Reach out and touch somebody's hand" used effectively at the Los Angeles Olympic games the previous year. We felt that long labored speeches should be kept to a minimum. We were about to have a big lesson on what the Course calls love.
Full of apprehension that they would not like our plans we arranged to have a meeting with the intending groom's parents. To my amazement they completely agreed with our ideas. Also to my surprise as it seemed completely out of character as they were not at all religious, the groom's mother knowing we were involved with something that seemed somewhat religious said "Less speeches are fine but I think we should have grace and I think you should say it, Bill." Having previously decided we did not want ritual of any kind at the reception, I was reluctant to agree but said I would think about it.

"And in a holy instant grace is said"

After they left, I was at the sink clearing up, feeling relieved that they had agreed with our wedding reception plans, when I seem to hear a definite and authoritative voice in my head say firmly "You will say grace!" I hurried upstairs to tell Pam, who was not at all convinced with my guidance, saying "I want to get a message" so she closed her eyes and opening the book at random put her finger on this paragraph on page 383/411 in the text.

"Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. This is a feast that honors your holy relationship, and at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest.
And in a holy instant grace is said by everyone together, as they join in gentleness before the table of communion. And I will join you there, as long ago I promised and promise still. For in your new relationship am I made welcome. And where I am made welcome, there I am."

We had our answer, without any doubt.
Early on the day of the wedding both Pam and I joined in asking that the day be filled with love. While sweeping up outside our yard that morning I had a wonderful feeling come over me, somehow assuring me that we had no cause to worry, as the day would be as we had asked. I related this feeling to Pam when she returned from preparing the flowers in the church and she told me of her feeling that her father, who had passed on several years ago, had come to her, remarking on the beautiful flowers and reassuring Pam too about the day being a lovely experience.
The wedding went very smoothly and although I had some trepidation about an orthodox Christian service, I somehow didn't hear anything that conflicted with our beliefs. I do recall he minister performing the ceremony saying "We must remember it isn't just these two young people who are here today but Jesus is here with them"
Just as we had planned the wedding guests were completely integrated and seemed to be getting on very well. At least that was what I was seeing. As instructed, I did say grace although not choosing to quote the grace passage from the Course directly I conveyed the meaning by saying in conclusion "Not only are these two young people joined today but so are all of us, as children of the same loving God." I then asked them to join hands and it was quite a sight to see people from all walks of life holding hands to the words of "Reach out and touch somebody's hand"
The day just seemed to get better and better. Our future son-in-law had warned us some weeks earlier that one of his relatives, Mrs. Cranky (not her real name) was always very difficult at family functions, complaining about the food, the band being too loud or whatever. Everybody was coming up to see us saying how much he or she was enjoying the day, 'Mrs. Cranky' being one of the first. She was glowing as she said, "This is the best wedding I have ever been to." Everywhere we looked and everybody we talked to seem to radiate with love.
I remember saying to Pam on the way home in the car "This Miracle stuff really works." Since finding the Course I had experienced quite a few Holy Instants but mostly they we just that: "instants" but this lasted a whole day and stands out as one of the most unforgettable days in my life and brought about merely by wanting it sincerely.
As an epilogue, I have to add that the marriage didn't work out dissolving after two years in a reasonably amicable way and this was an even more important lesson for us. Love can only be experienced now and we must continue to ask for it every moment. When we ask for Holy Spirit's help, he gives it now. Events in the future have to be dealt with when they occur and always in the now. In this crazy world designed never to work, with multiple egos making unlimited decisions all the time, creating instability and chaos everywhere, we can be sure that the future will not work out in the way we demand that it does. But it will work out in God's way. Everybody is working his or her way back home and everybody is going to get there in the end.
As I see it now, Holy Spirit or Jesus do not make things happen in a world that isn't true, but they can and do reinforce every thought of love we have. The misdirected Son of God dreamt this world up in the first place using the power given to him by God and we can surely change the way we are experiencing that dream with Holy Spirit's or Jesus' help.
Does all this sound "Polyannaish" and like looking at life through rose coloured glasses? It is, if we are into denial and really believe "This is a horrible world and if I don't look at it, it will go away." But if we really know this is but a dream, the world sure looks better through the rose coloured glasses of love than those drab grey ones of fear, mistrust, anger and despair we wear most of the time
"When you want only love you will see nothing else."
Text p. 215/231

Bill McDonald.