'Pommy' Paul Cooper - Keyboards.
The last ever convict to be sentenced to transportation to Australia, for the humble crime of stealing a pork pie hat. Maestro of the keys, has played with some of the ska greats, like Everett Morton, Rico Rodriguez, The Selecter, and Simon Smith. Can be instantly recognised by the fact that he always plays keyboards left-handed. Known forger of Alan Jones signature, but who cares?
Layne Visser - Trombone.
Discovered his love for his instrument when he went on a music-camp in Year 7, but decided to learn trombone instead. A brilliant career was cut short when he was arrested in Turkey trying to smuggle kransky sausage out of the country. But Visser was not to be held in captivity for long. He constructed a trombone from toilet rolls and soloed his way to freedom. The Harry Houdini of Ska.
Nick Hempton - Saxophone.
Known as the 'Bryan Ferry of ska'. Suave, sophisticated, fashionably dressed. Probably most dangerous member of the group. Expert in six different martial arts, including sushi. Many women call him the Sax Machine, many men call him Deirdre, just don't call him 'late for dinner'.
'Roscoe' P. Judd - Trumpet.
A lifelong 'Dukes Of Hazzard' fan, Ross had his name legally changed in honour of this fabulous seventies show. Sometimes confused with Herb Alpert, Ross spent his early years wandering from town to town, finding people who loved the melancholy sounds of the trumpet, and asking them if they knew where he could get one from. Has never been convicted by an all-female jury yet.
Mark Wilson - Guitar.
No relation to Uncle Pete, although they were conjoined at the hip for a time. No one has answered why they did this, or why he and Pete affectionately refer to each other as ?One Nut?. Once played guitar for thirty-seven hours for charity, in bits and pieces between 1987 and 1993. Mentioned in the autobiography of rock guru Glenn A Baker, who called him 'that bastard that drank my beer.' Also answers to the name 'Willy', as in 'Will he give me back my beer?'
Simon
'The
Pieman' Smith - Lead
vocals.
In trouble with
the media from an early age when he was witnessed sculling milk on Romper
Room and trying to look up Miss Patricia's skirt. Has dubious reputation with
minors as has been witnessed trying to convert them to literacy. Ring-leader,
rabble rouser. Master of a thousand bad jokes.
For having far too
good a time
For helping to make ska music cool again
For aiding and abetting live audiences to party hard!
Ben Pritchard - Drums & percussion.
From a long line of rock and roll performers Ben decided to rebel and become one of the original Spice Girls. Three operations and much heartache later, he was refunded his genitalia and made a lifetime commitment to ska and masculinity. Music runs in his blood, and ska runs out his nose. Last seen wearing a balaclava, or was it one of those other Greek pastries?
Anthony Donaghue - Bass Guitar.
A frail child,
Anthony swore he would gain revenge upon the bullies who taunted him about
ska when he was a 98 pound weakling. Sending off for a Teach-Yourself Bass
Guitar and Armed Hold-Up booklet, he became the most feared musician in Jamaica,
an awesome feat, considering he'd never been there. These early traumas had
their effect though, as he now occasionally suffers
'Uncle' Pete Wilson - Backing vocals, skank-meister.
Convicted of crimes against heavy metal, had a death sentence commuted to life-time of ska-community service. Previous form, with Van Gogh?s Dream, 1st Dulwich Hill Scouts, and Complete Madness. Impersonated Chas Smash so well that Smash?s wife has sued for palimony. Man of a thousand suits.
