The Archetypal Lawn Mower HirerBy WTB
So, you have hired a Lawn Mower. Therefore one must conclude that you don't have any friends left to borrow one from, you haven't paid Jim's mowing account and he won't come back, yours is stuffed because you didn't look after it, the neighbours are on your back because they can't find their kids in the long grass any more or you simply enjoy using other peoples possessions carelessly and are prepared to outlay a fee to do so.
Well you've come to the right place because we've got your measure even before you place your (never to be seen again) deposit on the counter. We can see right through your beady little eyes and read your disturbed mind. You're visualising right at this moment - even before you load the mower onto the back seat of your defacto's car - how well it handles half bricks in the bamboo grass. You can see yourself looking underneath after the sound of the shattered aluminium alloy housing has stopped reverberating. In your minds eye you envision the bent blade carrier and smashed cutters hanging limply. And now you notice the engine oil is running out through the breather of the upturned engine. You're amazed it hold so much oil, -500 ml!, no there must be nearly a litre there now.
What's the next move… Do you give it another try through the blackberries or re-spread the scoria on the driveway first… No it's lunch time, but you see yourself starting the engine up and letting it run for an hour or so until the smoke clears, while you have a couple of tinnies and a snooze. Hang about... you decide to make it a quick snooze so you can get the mower back and enjoy a half day hire discount rate. But there was something else you wanted to do with it.. - Oh yes, the nature strip is 2 inches higher than the footpath, it needs to be planed off. You remove the back wheels to get to ground level and one rolls down the drain, but you have your excuse prepared already, "The clip must have been broken and it fell off. Never to be seen again!" Yes! -Yeah! they'll feel sorry for me and give me a full refund and a free hire voucher to use later, Wow! this is an excellent rotary hoe too!. Hey I wonder if they hire chain-saws, I've gotta cut a few old stumps out of the ground and saw up some sleepers for fire wood.
Lawn Mower: Herbivore Victasorus.
Applications: Well just about anything you can think of.
Horse Power: Never quite enough.
Catcher Capacity: Who cares, I'll tie the flap up.
Australian Film Director & Legend Kieran McSwiney made a short movie of the 'Archetypal Mower Hirer' to show at Kennards Hire's National Awards Night at Southbank in 2005. A private viewing is always available on request.
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