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Changing thoughts
I had always had great respect for doctors and like most people I thought everything (except cancer) was curable, I genuinely thought you (walked in) to a doctors office he or she asked a few questions, gave you medication or surgery and you recovered and (off you went). I now know you have to tell every detail to the doctor.
I was very ignorant about people who complained about back pain and thought people who couldn't work because of back problems were bludgers who were rorting the system. I had managed to work through the minor back pain I experienced every now and again before the accident, and work through busted eardrums etc. In fact up to the time I had the accident, I had only taken less than 15 days sick leave in my entire working life including 10 days for an appendix operation. Similarly I thought people who had accidents and sued for insurance were doing it for the money.
However now six months after the accident I was becoming depressed as I just could not understand why I wasn't getting better. .
I was also becoming very angry, some of the people who I knew, thought I was exaggerating the pain or doing it purely for the insurance, as an example I went to watch my old cricket team play and an older person in the side asked how I was and I said I was suffering very bad back pain, he replied instantly. “well you will be rich soon” then stated how he hated people who got injured who became bitter.
The real reason people become bitter is because of attitudes like he displayed, no one seems to understands your predicament, even some doctors, it feels like you are alone, you live in a world of pain, everything you used to be able to do you no longer can, people have this attitude that your having a “holiday”, even one of my brothers greeted me with “how’s your holiday going” whenever I saw him. It is only natural that you become angry when around people like this, I often thought of committing suicide after being visited by someone with this attitude.
I stopped going anywhere, I avoided large gatherings of people, because people would pass by and say “wow look at the lazy guy” or “sure you're comfortable” in a sarcastic manner, or sit in my “zero gravity chair” and refuse to get out.
By this time I thought perhaps I had just got the wrong doctor (the orthopaedic surgeon), he had not recommended any other treatment for my back, and didn't seem to be able to fix my knee or ankle. I was still pushing myself every day to do the exercises, even though they increased my pain.
At the next appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon I angrily confronted him and asked why he was not requesting more X-rays , CT or MRI scans of my back or some other type of treatment, and what he planned to do about my knee and ankle, his reply was that he did not believe he was responsible for my back and that I was probably making out that it was worse than it was for the insurance, but he was prepared to operate on my knee I was extremely angry with his comment about my back and would have loved to tell him where to go, but there were no other Orthopaedic surgeons who came to Pt Lincoln. So I pressed my local doctor (GP) for more help.
More doctors
He decided to send me to see a spinal surgeon in Adelaide for my back, so in May of 1996 I went to see this doctor, who appeared to be well qualified by the number of certificates/diplomas on his wall, some of which were from England. He injected my back with anti-inflammatory drugs and gave me general advise e.g. no lifting. He told me if the injections did not bring me any relief then it would be likely that my back would not improve. After another month had passed with no improvement I decided I had to close my business as it required me to lift heavy items and visit customers, etc. I had been relying on friends and family to run it for me and now was beginning to realise that I may not recover in the near future. But I still refused to believe that I would not recover in the long term.
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