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Dealing with long term injuries and pain
If you are permanently injured and in pain like me I would highly recommend trying to look at the positive side of things, while this is easy to say and ignorant people often say this, having a positive attitude really does help. I often used to concentrate on all the bad things which were happening around me and to me and that did cause me more anger and aggravation so it didn't help.
In the first few years I found it very hard to look at the positive side of things but it really does help, as it allows you to have “happy thoughts” which inturn help with your attitude and make your life much better, and the people around you will interact with you in a more positive manner which will also help.
It can be hard to find positives when the pain is at its worst, the most obvious one is that you are still alive, and I know it can be annoying when other people suggest this one, but it is a positive. I used to think about committing suicide quite often as I couldn't see this as a positive when I was at my worst, but no matter who you are you have an affect on the peoples lives who you know and of course on your relatives. By putting on a “brave face” and acting positive around people you show them that they can have a positive relationship with you and that makes them interact with you on a better level.
It also makes people treat you with greater respect.
You can help everyone you know, it doesn't matter who you are you will have experiences which you have learnt from and so you can help others with your experience, whether its your children, sisters, brothers or at a local school etc. they will benefit from having you around.
I lost a nephew to suicide and if only he could have seen the devastation that brought to the hundreds of people who knew him and to his family, I’m sure he would not have gone through with it. I sometimes blame myself because at the time I was so depressed with my situation I missed the chance to help him. Don't let something like this happen to you if you're in my situation and can't work or support your family at least you can help them emotionally .
If you have ignorant relatives or friends that make stupid ignorant comments or continually ask when you will be returning to work, have it out with them tell them exactly what you think, tell them how it makes you feel when they question why you're not back at work. If they fail to understand or continue with ignorant comments tell them to not come and see you again until they are willing to help or stop making you angry. They may think they are helping, I had an older couple who were friends of my in-laws who thought it was necessary to confront me as to why I had not returned to work, they could not see why back pain would stop me from working, luckily for me they moved away otherwise I would have had to tell them to not come anywhere near me ever again.
There will always be people and doctors who don't understand or say ignorant comments, my advice is to try to not let their comments get to you and try to avoid going to places where these people will be.
You are never alone no matter what your injury. After the accident I started to think there were no other people with symptoms the same as mine because of the treatment I received at the pain clinic. I now know there are thousands of us but we are hard to see as most of us spend most of our time in our homes.
My wife returned to work when my second daughter was six months old so I have been a “Mr mum” since then, which was definitely a positive for me. I live for my children and my wife and I believe by having me around they will learn from my experiences. Now that I have learnt to manage my pain better, I help them in many different ways and I believe this will be of benefit to them as they grow and mature.
Back pain “FAKERS”
While I have no idea how many people exaggerate back pain or worse still “fake it” it seems doctors and the public believe 90% of back pain sufferers are “faking it”. I have seen the footage of people on television shows supposedly proving that they are “faking it” and while I would agree with the ones shown lifting heavy furniture I am sceptical about the footage of a person with back pain pushing a wheelbarrow or doing the shopping, I can do both I used wheelbarrows for years before the accident and when you use one you are not lifting all the weight in the wheelbarrow because they work like a lever and it is possible to carry a 20kg load and only be actually lifting 3kg. Similarly with the shopping I make sure the bags are only packed lightly and use a shopping trolley and while it does aggravate my pain I can do it.
I have built brick stairs, made ponds, etc. while it may take me 4 weeks to do something a healthy person could do in 4 days, at least by being smart I can get the job done, although I do need someone to do the heavy work like making the mortar and stacking the bricks where there needed, and I will usually need to recuperate over the following week or weeks. I have no doubt if someone took a video of me working for 5 minutes and showed it to an average person they would think I was “faking it”. And this is why I worry that under our current system, genuine severe back pain sufferers like me could be taken to be “faking it”, and there bye miss out on adequate compensation or the disability pension.
Never assume anyone to be faking back pain unless you have observed them for many days.
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